Jordan grew up in a chronic pattern of domestic violence and abuse.  The eldest of three children, his childhood memories were those of severe beatings, and the violent fights of his parents over the legitimacy of his birth.

“My father doubted that I’m his son because of my curly hair.  He said it is not in his bloodline and I could be somebody else’s son.”

“I couldn’t please him no matter how hard I tried to be good. His anger towards me was inexhaustible.  I remember him chasing me around the neighborhood with a machete when I tried to stop him from beating my mother in one of their violent fights,” he recalls.

It was not just his father who would turn on him. Unable to convince her husband of their son’s legitimacy, Jordan’s mother would often take out her frustration and anger on him.

“My mother when provoked by my childish behaviour would just pick anything within her reach and hit me. If she was doing the laundry, she would grab the washbasin and smash it on my head.”              

Their neighbors mutely witnessed the violence that went on in their house. The authorities were never called to intervene.

Unable to express the rage that was building up inside him, Jordan developed a pattern of aggressive and destructive behavior.   He spewed out his pain at school by bullying his classmates.  He quit school and married young.

Though Jordan abhorred the way his parents brought him up, he went on to become just like them. He didn’t spare the rod on his three children.

“I beat them hard and was unforgiving at their mistakes or failure to obey my orders. Each mistake or defiance of my orders was met with severe beating that would leave them howling in pain. I never thought then that I was breaking their hearts just as my parents did to me.”

As a village chief in a small town in Palawan, south of Manila, he was more feared than revered.  

“I made sure that every violator was punished. I punched or beat those who challenged my authority. They always got the worst of my fury, especially the defiant youngsters who broke the law.”

Coming to terms with the past

A child protection and paralegal training organized by World Vision paved the way for Jordan to finally come to terms with his past.

“On the first day of the training, the group was asked who were in favor of corporal punishment.  Out of more than 30 people who were there, there were only two hands that went up. One was mine, which I quickly withdrew. I wanted to leave right away.  I didn’t feel right to be in that group,” he says.

But Jordan stayed on. As he sat through discussions on effects of corporal punishments on children, Jordan wrestled with his past in silence.  He was uncomfortable listening to things that threatened to reopen the scar of his emotional and psychological wounds. 

Jordan spent the better part of that week understanding the foundation of child protection and examining his attitude and values towards children and child abuse. He became familiar with laws and legal processes for combating child abuse, trafficking, child labor and child pornography.  

He was also challenged to come up with a plan for training different stakeholders in the community in child protection.

“The hardest past of the week was coming to grips with the person I vowed never to become. An abusive, destructive man, just like my father,” Jordan admits

“I realized how mean I was to my children and to the other children in our village. I used to think that since they were my children, I had the right to do whatever I wanted to them. I was not aware that I was already violating their rights and pushing them away from me,” he says.

“Now I look at my children as precious possessions from God, deserving the best of my attention and affection. It’s a shame to see other people looking after the future of our children but we parents are just taking them for granted,” he adds.

“There are still many parents out there who don’t know how to raise their children. Most of them are like me before, or even worse.” 

Determined to put an end to this vicious cycle of abuse, Jordan has started training village officials and parents in his village about child protection.