By Hasanthi Jayamaha, World Vision Lanka communications

“Whose is this child?”

Sunethra picks up Sachintha, three, who has wandered into the front of the parents’ meeting.

“Mine!” His mother Sujatha springs up from her seat while his father Gamini looks on.

“Whenever we pick up a child and ask that question from the parents, it is always the mother who answers, even if both parents are present. The father always keeps quiet,” says Sunethra, a Communicator for the home-based Early Childhood Care and Development (ECCD) Project initiated by World Vision in the Wilgamuwa ADP.

In a majority of cultures in rural Asia, children belong ‘more’ to the mother than to the father. The sole responsibility of bringing up a child is on the mother, including blame for any mistake the child might make.

As for fathers, it is not usual for them to spend time with their children; to play or sing or read to them. A father’s responsibility seems to be to fulfil the financial needs of his family.

Gamini, a dedicated farmer who puts his heart and strength into his work, says he used to gain his satisfaction simply by supporting the family.

“When I came home, I ate the meal my wife served and then rested. If I assisted in any housework, it was by repairing the roof or fencing the garden,” he says.

“I never wondered whether they ate, what Sachintha did in the preschool or what my daughter had for homework. That was my wife’s responsibility.”

The ECCD Project has changed all that. While it focuses mainly on the physical, emotional, psychological and language development of children from conception to five years, it also has a strong focus on both parents’ full involvement in their growth.

“Mothers are always open to suggestions and new ideas with regard to their children, supportive and flexible to change, but it was difficult to involve the fathers initially,” says Sunethra.

The communicators visit the families in their homes and encourage everyone to take part in early childhood development activities and games.

“The awareness and the knowledge given to them, and their involvement have amazingly transformed them. As the fathers spend more time with their children, their hearts have changed,” she says.

“I love to spend time with my son Sachintha now, even when I’m tired,” says Gamini, “I feel so proud when he comes to me with his requests to build a play-shop, to tie a swing in the tree or to make a toy.”

“I didn’t know being with your child could be so rewarding and satisfying,” he says.

“The programme has made me sensitive not only to my little son, but to my family as a whole,” he adds, “I make sure my wife has had her meals. I didn’t know before that sometimes she stayed hungry or ate only one curry so that she can let me have a good and full meal.”

Sunethra often meets the families she works with on the road, in the market or while waiting for the bus. If the child is with them she loves to call out her favourite question, “Whose is this child?”